Styles of Love

PSY/265 Version 3

September 23, 2011

     When people fall in love they often begin with a passion or intense desire to be his or her partner’s everything.  Jeff and Linda are a young couple who met and were instantly attracted to each other.  They are considered to be in the infatuation stage of love.  Passion is a style of love considered to be infatuation by Psychologist Robert Sternberg (1986, 1988, as restated by Rathus, et. al., 2005).  In a similar scale to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, Susan and Clyde Hendrick’s Love Attitude Scale describes these impassioned feelings as possessive or excited love; mania.  As in the beginning of my own relationship, this stage of love is accompanied by intense feelings for the other person.  Continued thoughts of togetherness make the heart race, the palms sweat, and can become a distraction from normal routines.  However, it is also possible to feel anxiety over the absence of the other person, or over negative communication or thought processes.  Although love is not an all or nothing feeling, maturity and time has a way of enhancing or dissolving relationships.

     Although Jeff and Linda’s relationship began as an infatuation, over time, circumstances developed that changed the relationship: communication difficulties, sexual dysfunctions, and stress changed their developed, wholesome style of love (e.g. agape or consummate) to that of a companionate love.  Companionate defined as a love that has intimacy and commitment but lacks passion; according to the Love Attitude Scale (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2002 as restated by Rathus, et. al, 2005), “a friendship,” or in the Greek term philia (p. 220).  Both passionate love and companionate love are peripheral styles of love; however, bind a couple in different aspects of a relationship; passionate love by strong emotional and sexual desires, and companionate love by emotional ties and a strong commitment to the relationship.  Through personal knowledge, both passionate and companionate love, as with any style of love, bring about deep emotional bonds to one’s partner.    

Reference

Rathus, S. A., Nevid, J. S., & Fichner-Rathus, L. (2005). Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity. (6th ed.). Boston, M.A: Allyn and Bacon. Retrieved from PSY/265 Version 3 Website