What is a mother
to do when she knows that her seven-year-old has stolen a box of cookies from
the store where she was grocery shopping?
Paul Baltes and his colleagues from the Max Planck Institute for
Education and Human Development believe a decision based on five components can
assist in a making the wisest choice on how to resolve issues (Bolt, 2004). The components consist of possessing factual
knowledge about matters of life, procedural knowledge, looking at lifespan
contextualism, recognizing and managing uncertainty, and understanding
relativism regarding solutions. By
applying this mother’s situation to each of these five components a wise
judgment can be made.
In making a wise
choice that will help this situation, first look at what it means to have
factual knowledge about matters of life.
This involves keeping an open mind, and the understanding of human
nature; what are the messages that the child has been sent about possessing
anything he or she wants. Are the
parents been good role models concerning the return or acknowledgment of
mistakes. Also looking at the
interpersonal relationship that the mother has with her child will indicate how
she explains that stealing is not acceptable.
A relationship that conveys a warm and caring approach will be expressed
with compassion and empathy, coming from an authoritative or strict parent will
have a different impact in its delivery.
The second
component, procedural knowledge, “involves strategies for dealing with life’s
problems and weighing goals, methods of handling conflict, and ways of offering
advice” (Bolt, 2006, p. 94). With many
ways to handle conflict, knowing the correct method in each situation will
direct the way the advice is given. The
mother at this step should assess the situation, form a response, and deliver
the message in a firm but gentle method that is age-appropriate and will be
understood. Making a plan on how to
deliver the appropriate message is the bottom line to procedural knowledge.
To understand if
this situation will become a recurring one the mother needs to determine if
this problem has happened in the past and to respond in such a way it is not likely
to happen again. Repeated theft can be a
sign of larger issues that need to be dealt with. To identify what circumstances may have
caused this situation to happen in the first place can provide information regarding
the child’s state of mind. This will
help to identify whether the situation requires an immediate rash approach, or
if a less dramatic approach is sufficient to deter future occurrences of this
behavior. Each situation a person
encounters adds to the context of his or her life, when viewed from a lifespan
contextualism prospect it provides a complete look at his or her situation. This will allow the mother to judge better how
to approach her child.
Proceeding to the
next component, recognition and management of uncertainty, permits
acknowledgment that the knowledge of each person is limited to the individual’s
experiences, education, and to some extent, life becomes unpredictable. By choosing to make a wise decision the
mother will turn to her own knowledge of these situations to use as a reference
in the resolution process. Although this
mother may not have extensive knowledge in dealing with this specific situation;
her seven-year-old stealing cookies, working through her uncertainty of this
situation will enable her quickly to associate this situation with similar
incidents. This may provide some insight
to empathize with her child. By
recognizing one’s own weakness and limitations they begin to manage situations
to make better choices.
Finally,
relativism regarding solutions is the fifth and final component to a wise
decision-making process. The realization
that the differences in peoples individual values and priorities create
difficulties in making a wise choice for someone other than him or herself;
even cultural differences add to the difficulty of making wise choices. What is justified in one person’s life can mean
something different to another. Raising
children to be morally conscious is a delicate process; by teaching him or her
right from wrong at an early age, children learn to prioritize their own
morality. Realizing, of course, young
children are in a constant state of learning and growing, so it is important
not to justify bad behaviors but use them as a learning process. To avoid unwise judgments, projecting what effects
the resolution will have on others, as related to his or her values instead of their
own, will help and provide a more beneficial solution.
Some may feel
there is an easy solution to this situation.
However, until all rationale is considered, it is unwise to pass
judgment on the young child. Perhaps
taking property that belongs to someone else, without permission, has not been
explained to him or her. Perhaps the
child has been stealing things at other locations and is rebellious, or trying
to obtain attention through his or her actions to make others aware of some
deeper issue, such as abuse or neglect. Another
question to consider in this situation would be are they still at or in the
store or not. Each of these additional
situations carries with it a different response or way to approach stealing
with the child.
After
contemplating the context of this situation, it is my belief that the mother
should gently acknowledge with the child what she or he had done by taking the
cookies, without paying for them, is wrong.
Most children know the difference between right and wrong at an early
age; but at times, a parent needs to remind his or her child of the rules
(Huxley, 2000, para. 13). Taking
something that does not belong to them, without permission, or without paying
for it is called stealing and stealing is wrong. Explain to the child that the cookies must be
returned or paid for. This will ensure
that he or she does not benefit from the stolen cookies and give him or her an opportunity
to make amends. Without lecturing the
child, the mother should inquire about the state of mind the child was in at
the time; to find what reasoning the child had for taking the box of
cookies. This will help to assess if he
or she has other issues that need to be addressed. Upon receiving the information, acknowledge
his or her feelings and reiterate that stealing is not an acceptable behavior
for the family or the community. If it
is determined that more attention needs to be given to the child, the mother
should make every effort to do so. Upon
the apology by the child and the return or payment of the item, the incident
should not be brought up again. This
will allow the child to experience and process the forgiveness aspect the
inappropriate behavior created.
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