It was Aristotle that once said “We do not act rightly because we
have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted
rightly” (Value Quotes, 2011, para. 1). Concerning
value systems and sexuality, I believe that everyone forms his or her beliefs
based on what they were taught growing up.
However, there are a vast number of questions that can and should be
asked before making any decision on engaging in sexual relations. Moral, ethical, and personal beliefs are but
a few. As for my personal decisions, a
mixture of legalism and rationalism appear to be the value systems I tend to
follow. Legalism is the aspect I follow
for my moral and ethical bases; as inspired by God (Rathus, Nevid, &
Fichner-Rathus, 2005). Scripture
provides many guidelines for moral and ethical behavior. Although I have not always found my moral and
ethical guidelines through the inspiration of the Lord, rationalism has
provided me with an aspect of decision-making that has proven to be beneficial
in the decisions concerning my sexual well-being. As indicated by Rathus, Nevid, and
Fichner-Rathus (2005) the rationalist side of me has used intellect and
reasoning to make decisions based on personal consequences. If I were to be ashamed of what I was doing
or for my family to know what I was doing then I just don’t. Sexuality is a beautiful part of humanity and
can likewise be the most dreadful. While
I represent the majority of my decisions are based on the legalism value
system, it is apparent that I have adopted the rationalism system from time to
time to help me in making sense of my own sexuality and behavior.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Sexual Techniques
Sexual techniques are a subject that most people will pay
attention to when discussed. Everyone
loves to be pleased and when trying to fine tune techniques it is wise to know
what others like, especially ones partner.
The first form of pleasure someone may experience, masturbation, teaches
an individual what parts of the body bring pleasure; however, many people
condemn masturbation as sinful (Bullough, 2002 as restated by Rathus, et. al.,
2005). Another form of pleasure (i.e.
kissing and touching) is referred to as petting or foreplay. Finally, sexual intercourse and how diversity
provides pleasure. Through varied
techniques, pleasure can be had by all.
Manual stimulation of the genitals is one of the earliest forms of
pleasure, as indicated by Rathus, et. al. (2005), even before understanding
what sexual pleasure is. According to
Rathus, et. al. (2005), masturbation has, for century’s, been thought of as
sinful because it is a non-procreative sexual act and thus mentally and
physically harmful. While masturbation
is not usually physically harmful, studies have found there are many reasons people
masturbate; some reasons are physical pleasure, to relieve sexual tension,
partner does not want to engage in sexual activity, and fear of AIDS and other
sexually transmitted infections (Laumann and colleagues, 1994, as restated by
Rathus, et. al. (2005).
As a young person advances in maturity, he or she may begin to experiment
foreplay; kissing and non-coital physical contact. Foreplay is an important prelude to
copulation; it awakens the body to physical stimulation, in essence activating
the body’s natural preparation for intercourse.
The lips and skin are highly sensitive and carry many nerve endings;
kissing and touching also brings pleasure to one’s partner. Both can be a simple greeting, such as
shaking hands or the kissing of a child, relative, or friend. With foreplay kissing and touching can travel
the length of the body to provide pleasure.
Of course there are times when foreplay goes beyond simple kissing
and non-coital touching; sexual passions are flamed and full genital contact is
the result. Now the question of how:
should the traditional missionary position be chosen or perhaps the female-superior
position would be better. There are many
variables that can dictate what sexual position should be used: penetration,
pregnancy, sexual difficulties, and sexual sensation are but a few. The male or female superior positions provide a
controlling position, respectively. Other
positions are the lateral or side-entry position and the rear-entry position;
both are beneficial in the later stages of pregnancy (Rathus, et. al.,
2005). Each of these four positions
offers differing access and penetration of the genitals and should be
experimented with to find the position that works best for each individual.
Self-pleasure in the form of masturbation is learned from a very
young age and provides the foundation for expressing personal likes and dislikes
with foreplay. Kissing and touching, foreplay
to copulation is usually an expression of tenderness and pleasure to another person
and can provide an opening for sexual activity.
Sexual techniques, male superior, female superior, side, or rear-entry
are a learning experience that should be experimented with and enjoyed.
Sexual Dysfunction
The Family Planning Association (FPA) issued a policy statement on
sexual dysfunctions; the number one statement: “The FPA recognizes that sexual
dysfunction[s] can affect both men and women of all ages and can have a
significant detrimental impact on their relationships, their quality of life
and their partners” (FPA, 2011, p. 1).
Sexual desire disorders are often misunderstood as the inability to
obtain an erection, become lubricated, or achieve orgasm. This is not true, according to Rathus, et.
al. (2005), many people with low sexual desire enjoy the closeness, physical
contact, and intimacy of sexual activity; although, genital stimulation may be
difficult. Although a low sex drive,
known as hypoactive sexual desire, is one of the most common sexual
dysfunctions it can be subjective because every person’s desires are
different. However, sexual aversion
disorder demonstrates clear signals of sexual repulsion (Rathus, et. al.,
2005).
Low sex drive can be caused by many issues such as a hormonal
imbalance, depression, a troubled relationship, stress, or advancing age. Anxiety; however, is a major factor in low
sex drive; fear of being viewed or judged negatively, sexual assault, or
certain medications also contribute to low sexual desires (2005). Whereas, sexual aversion disorder can be
considered a sexual phobia or panic disorder; fear and anxiety contribute to
the avoidance of all sexual situations (Kaplan, 1987 as restated by Rathus, et.
al., 2005). Furthermore, sexual trauma,
rape, or childhood abuse can also contribute to a sexual aversion disorder.
Most treatments for sexual dysfunctions are designed to address
the biological and psychological factors involved: changing self-defeating
beliefs and attitudes, teaching sexual skills, enhancing sexual knowledge,
improving sexual communication, and reducing performance anxieties. For both hypoactive sexual desire and sexual
aversion disorders this may involve self-stimulation, erotic fantasy, and some
form of sensate focused exercises; stressing communication and sexual
skills. For deep rooted and unresolved
anger issues, Helen Singer Kaplan’s in-sight-oriented approach may be helpful
(Kaplan, 1987 as restated by Rathus, et. al., 2005). When biological, hormonal, or depressive
issues are involved a pharmacological treatment may be added (e.g.
testosterone, anti-depressant, or anti-anxiety medication).
It is easy to see that sexual desire disorders can arise in many
situations and run from mild, allowing the individual to function sexually, to
an extreme case, with any sexual contact a repulsion; each case varies,
depending on the factors involved.
Treatment of sexual desire disorders that encompass both biological and
psychological issues may work if both partners agree to change self-defeating
beliefs and attitudes, enhance his or her sexual skills and knowledge, improve
sexual communication, and adequately reduce his or her performance anxieties. In some cases in-sight-orientation and
medication may help to attain the goal of a healthy sexual relationship. For most people addressing the issues may be
the only way to overcome sexual desire disorders.
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